Sexy: Defined

This piece was a tough one, only because we feel that although there is the dictionary definition of sexy that says, sexually attractive or exciting, what defines a sexy woman is always going to be a subjective sort of thing. Regardless, feeling sexy means that you are very much connected to your sexuality, you have a positive self-esteem about your appearance and an ability to connect others. However, there is a big difference between what women and men think of as sexy, and ultimately what some women do in order to be that “ideal” sexy woman may in fact be a huge turn off to a man who would otherwise pay attention to her. Of course there is the almost universal image of what a sexy woman should look like, those you find on the covers of magazines or as leads in a movie, with hair, skin and body proportions that adhere to those universal standards.  But is physical beauty the only ingredient involved in making up the sexy element?

It’s all a very interesting study in the science of attraction, and when asking a bunch of men to define what sexy in a woman means to them, we got a hodgepodge of ideas that ranged from physical beauty to personality, character and intelligence. Here’s a list of those very interesting responses:

It’s all about her body, her eyes or lips, husky voice, the small of her back, her big ass, 36-24-36, pretty feet, curves, blue eyes, black eyes, naturally shaped eyebrows, long silky hair, beautiful, white teeth, very fit body, great smile, great attitude, a lot of ambition, sassiness, funny, intelligent, can salsa really well, the look of a woman straight after a tough yoga class, when her hair is a bit messy but she doesn’t give a damn, natural with no make- up,  quirky personality, one that gives you a bit of a hard time is sexy, so is an independent woman, one who likes order—then you know she will take care of you, a woman who can show compassion is sexy, affectionate, cooks well, cute laugh, and one who shares her feelings instead of keeping them bottled up and opts for the silent treatment, one who ignites a special spark in you—very sexy.

Pheww, it’s a long list and it was a lot longer, but we needed to edit it in order to keep you focused. But the point here is to emphasize that there is not one clear way of defining sexy; it’s not all about the look, it also has to do with behavior that appeals to others. A woman’s definition of sexy, like anything else is totally subjective; however, we cannot ignore the fact that women are the first to follow trends that they deem necessary in order to be sexy whether it’s fashion, makeup, and beauty. It seems that in decade’s past, being sexy for a woman meant bold red lipstick and perhaps a naked shoulder, and the batting of her eyelids—guaranteed to make her stand out and capture the attention of the other sex. When you look at women from around the world, they adhere to different notions of beauty, and the same goes for men from other parts of the world. An Indian man may consider a full-figured woman much sexier than a skinny woman, which is the Wests’ interpretation of beauty, at least for the past 50 years, and as such, it ranks high when it comes to the generic interpretation of sexy.

However, these days, things are so much more complex and women have gone overboard in terms of making themselves look sexy. A trend that we’re sure you’ve all noticed is the pouty lips; so many celebrities, for instance, have had their lips enhanced in an attempt to look sexy. In the US, a widespread coming of age Sweet 16 gift is a breast augmentation. Now while plenty of men appreciate the look of a curvy woman, there are plenty who do not appreciate the plastic look, or the look of very large breasts in the first place. Korean women, for instance, are getting surgeries that enhance their smiles, believe it or not. Who says that women who smile are sexier than women who don’t wear a permanent smile on their face? Anyway, isn’t your ability to change the expression on your face a prerequisite to sexiness and beauty? Perhaps it’s not the case for everyone, especially among women in Korea. While women in the West try to recreate the “Asian eyes” with the use of eye-liner, you find that many Asian women have plastic surgery specifically to make their eyes look more Western. South America in general is known as plastic surgery paradise, where so many of the women get their faces and bodies altered to suit what they believe is beautiful and sexy. Many Caucasians like to tan their skin, in order to get that sun-kissed look they deem sexy; however, in other cultures such as Asian, Latin America and Africa, this is not the case at all. In Brazil, women must have straight hair and be fair-skinned in order to be deemed beautiful; those with Germanic features are the ones sought after for TV and modeling.

The truth is that a woman who feels sexy probably gets some sort of reinforcement for her appeal. She’s probably had men commenting on how great she looks or how sexy she is. This will inevitably give a woman more confidence and the feeling of being sexy. Some women walk with a sexy swagger, they know what they’re doing and it’s all in their attempt to get some sort of response. The look they get, whether a smile, a nod—all of those responses are positive feedback guaranteed to enhance that confidence and make a woman feel sexy. Women have been known to use their voice in order to elicit sexual feedback; there are voice coaches on dating sites who teach the art of seduction by using one’s voice.

It’s interesting to go back in time and explore the notion of beauty—which is heavily tied in with the notion of sexy—though always changing. Just look at images of women captured by some of the grand masters. There was a definite preference for full-figured women, and definitely not for large-breasted women. You find that artists in the Renaissance period did not go out of their way to choose women with large breasts for their nudes, but they did pose the full-figured ones whom they deemed absolutely gorgeous. Look at the evolution of beauty in the past 100 years alone and how it’s changed.

Titan’s Venus

Betty Grable

Indians have a preference for lighter skinned women

We said that this was going to be a tricky piece, and you can see why; while standards of beauty come and go, and certainly differ around the world, when it comes down to what men deem sexy in a woman, well, that’s going to be a whole lot more than just physical appearance. It’s simple really, people’s looks are always going to change, it’s inevitable; a man who falls for a slim-figured woman in her 20s, adores her physique, is not going to find the same body when she hits 50. But does that mean that she stops being sexy in his eyes? Of course not, not if it’s true love, and then there are so many other factors that come into play, there is so much more that creates that magical chemistry between couples, the magical elixir that attracts them to one another.

Sexy is going to be defined subjectively by each and every individual, men and women alike, and it can be a whole lot of things that don’t make one bit of sense to us. Hence, that common statement that shamefully we find ourselves saying under our breath: “What does he see in her?” Indeed, what he sees in her is always going to surprise you, but it’s what makes her sexy nonetheless in his eyes. A sexy woman is going to exhibit confidence in the way she looks, the way she feels and the way in which she embraces life. Sexy is the magic of life, if you will, and what makes us prosper as a species.